Saturday, June 5, 2010
Friday, May 28, 2010
On 24, there were 2 Black Presidents. Lost had zero. LOST is racist. Let's look at the black people that have been on the show.
Mr. Eko ~ an African warlord posing as his dead priest brother crashes on the island in a plane full of heroin, hidden in figurines of the Virgin Mary. Ends up being murdered by the Smoke Monster for no apparent reason.
Michael - Sells out his friends to save his own ass and the respective ass of his son. Sails off the island only to return estranged from his son and with a death wish. Dies in a huge boat explosion
Walt - the magical son of Michael. Fades to obscurity but reappears periodically to offer vague clues about how stupid the show is. Gets old and is not longer "adorable"
Monday, May 24, 2010
A friend said something on Facebook today that stuck with me. She said she was ok with LOST not answering all of the questions because “defining the island would be like defining the meaning of life”. And no disrespect to her, but it stuck with me because when I heard it, I wanted to run out into traffic. I wish I lived in a world where I could in essence take Gillian’s Island and get paid millions of dollars to throw the most random things on to said island with the enthusiasm of a colorblind 3 year old finger-painting in a liquor store. But no, that wouldn’t be enough. I would then have the balls to carry on this way for another year before I set about telling the world’s media that my show was not the drunk-stumble sorority house shit show that it appeared; I actually had a very carefully orchestrated plan for my
WHEW! “Wait, they bought that?” I would mutter under my breath as I took a swig out of my moonshine flask. And Yes, they would buy that and continue to buy it every season until the horrible horrible end where about 1/4 of the cast without other obligations agreed to sit in a room under the guise of a previous agreement to meet up before they all "moved on". Fuck you, LOST! I know when I'm being shown an awkward cast wrap party as the final scene.
Much like Video killed the Radio Star, DVR killed the Network Superhit. Like a 6 that hangs out with fat 3s, the TV networks would play these bar room games with us where they would put a mediocre show on a night without competition. Real quick: tell me what show rivaled LOST during its first season? Cookie for anyone who gets that right without the research. DVR and Online viewing allows us to now pick when we want to watch a show rather than play by the VP of Programming's game. My real point is, any show with the right exposure, social climate, and timeslot can generate a popular cult following. Remember Felicity? Say what you want about my girl Feli Fel, but THAT finale was a humdinger. HUMdinger.
Sunday, May 23, 2010
Friday, May 21, 2010
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
2. I have a sticker phobia. Nothing weird, I just don't fuck with stickers. Period.
3. I'm a sucker for a girl in a skirt. Actually, I'm sucker for a girl in a anything.
4. I hate Christmas, but love Halloween. Much scarier things have happened when my family is assembled than anything dreamed up to costume a 3rd grader with temporary sugar deficiency.
5. I have competing fears of dying alone and loving prematurely.
6. Monday through Thursday-ish, I would almost always rather sit quietly in my room with a book than talk to anyone who hasn't seen (or will see) me naked. I say that to say this; if we speak during my "me time", the countdown to my unmentionables has begun.
7. I like me. If I had another go at this, I'd probably make the same choices. Except for Jen, sophomore year. She was terrible.
8. I could imagine myself as an awesome dad. Not so much with the husband stuff just yet tho.
9. The first cd I ever bought was Dookie by Green Day, but I tell people it was Life in 1792 by Jermaine Dupree. And now that I'm thinking of it, I've been embarrassing myself for years...
10. I tell people that I'm outdoorsy but the truth is I'm looking for something surprising and beautiful at the same time. I couldn't imagine finding that anywhere but off a trail somewhere far from a city. And the Jersey Shore.
Thursday, December 24, 2009
Twas the night before Christmas, back in '91
Everyone was chillin cause finals was done
The shinny suit was hung over the lounge chair with care
mostly because MC Hammer was near
His fans were nestled all snugg in their beds
With the hook from "You can't touch this" playing in their heads
And Mama in her houseshoes and me in my du-rag
both our doors; double bolted so Santa won't lag
Then out on my porch I saw someone tan
Then out on my porch I saw someone tan
On his belt, the buckle simply read, " Hammerman"
Now Santa wears Red with some white in between
but Hammer wear black and purple and green
Santa rides sleds fueled by magical forces
Hammer rolls deep in cars with maaaad horses
And Santa wears hats and a smile on his face
But Hammer rocks chains that hang down to his waist
Now to the window I started to rush
from my mama's room I heard her call out, "Boy, Hush"
He rolled with two men; the smaller, the announcer
From the size of the other I figured him a bouncer
The smaller yawned as his throat started to clear
"Open the fucking door, THE Hammerman is here!"
I ran down the stairs past the velvet picture of Jesus
but I got there in time, just to see him leave us
No cars, No suits, No army of lackies
Just a Geo, a cat, and a pusher in khakis
Where did he go? This jerk knows I'm a fan?
All I wanted for Christmas was to meet Hammerman
As the tears did fall, I turned to walk away
To find a package was blocking my way
It was big as boulder but shaped like a person
"Close the door, the heat's leaving" my Mama was cursin'
So I dragged my gift in, and unwrapped it with joy
Inside was a lifesize Hammerman toy
A man of few words, the Hammer wrote words that fit
The card attached said simply, " Stay 2 Legit 2 Quit"
Screw Vanilla, Screw En Vogue, Screw BVD
MC Hammer came through with a gift just for me
SO forget Boyz II Men and that group Kid N PLay
MC Hammer's the one that made this kid's day
To all that love the season, Happy Holidays I wish
but if you see Hammerman remember, You can't touch this